About Women

1. Women can tell if a man is the kind of man who likes women.

2. Women like a man who likes women who like to eat.

3. Never let her arrive at an event alone.

4. Her job is just as important as yours.

5. Don't insult her friends, even if she does.

6. More than anything else, women want you to make them laugh.

7. Women dislike men who are liars.

8. Women like men who have close friends.

9. No matter how furtive or quick the glance, a woman always knows when you're looking at her breasts.

10. Women want you to pay for dinner.

11. It's pointless to argue with her if you're not going to win.

12. Women have to buy new outfits every season, and this makes them happy.

13. The idea of love at first sight, though attractive to women in theory, terrifies them in practice.

14. While yes sometimes means no, no always means no.

15. Women, much like men, are human, and thus appreciate it when you ask them questions about themselves.

16. Never ask a woman why she's mad at you, as she will only get madder at your not knowing.

17. Women do not desire to be introduced to a new brand of perfume.

18. Women who come from big families are more fun.

19. Women who have two or more brothers are less likely to be disgusted by you.

20. Even better: flowers on days that aren't Valentine's Day, anniversaries, or birthdays.

21. Sometimes women want it when you don't, and for you not to give in on such occasions sets a terrible precedent.

22. If she works out, compliment her muscles.

23. First-date don'ts: overdress, underdress, show up too early, show up too late, or talk too much about yourself.

24. A good woman is as excited about a gift that costs nothing as she is about a gift that costs a lot.

25. When you have a perfect body, we wonder how much time you spend on yourself.

26. The only acceptable men's wrist accessory is one that tells time.

27. Don't wink. Never wink.

28. Women can tell by looking at a man's face whether or not he likes babies.

29. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party.

30. We don’t understand your fascination with boobs, but we’re happy you have it.

31. When women say they don't fantasize about any other men, they're lying. When we say we don't fantasize about any other women, we're lying then, too.

32. We really don’t find farting funny.

33. PMS is not a lame excuse to be able to yell at you. It's a great excuse.

34. We're not complimented when you call your ex a slut. She dated you, too. So what are we?

35. Women are meant to talk and men to listen. We don't want to be fixed; we want to be heard.

36. When we ask you how we look, it's okay to lie; when we ask you how she looks, you better lie.

37. The same goes for driving. Women don't like men who drive like women. Not that we drive like women. By women I mean grandmothers.

38. We actually can open the jar ourselves. But we just love the way your eyes bug out when you do it for us.

39. Sometimes the answer to the question "Is something wrong?" is really no.

40. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.

41. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

42. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

43. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.

44. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

45. If a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

46. Women brush their hair before bed.

47. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

48. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

49. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

50. We love that you are reading this to learn more about us. You’re adorable.

Women will always remain a mystery. ^_^